How should death be explained to children?

Homepage
How should death be explained to children?

How should death be explained to children?

How to Explain Death to Children?

Death is a profound reality, an inevitable truth that exists in our lives. The concept of death is not yet part of a young child's vocabulary, as it has not yet entered their world.

Experiencing death, whether directly or indirectly, is never an ordinary event, regardless of the age of the person involved. A baby who has just opened their eyes to life sees, hears, smells, tastes, and touches a great deal about the world and life. With their five senses, they perceive and structure the world, interacting with it through processes described by Piaget as sensorimotor and assimilation-accommodation.

As life presents challenges, babies actually gain much more experience. A baby perceives complex situations through their five senses, and with sufficient intelligence, they quickly process these situations mentally, developing an understanding and perspective. They build schemas. (For more insights on this, watching films like "Inception 1-2" may be helpful.)

As a child grows older, they gain more life experience. Around the age of 7 or 8, they begin to show signs of maturing into adulthood and take more interest in topics that adults care about. Their world, once based mostly on play, now starts to include more concrete and real concepts, one of which is death.

By the age of 8, children start to grasp the meaning of death, even if abstract thinking about it is still challenging. They understand that death is irreversible – once someone has died, they will not return.

If you try to explain death to a 5-6-year-old child, even if they are intelligent, they will struggle to understand. They will likely keep asking, "Why can’t they come back?" without fully comprehending the concept. During this time, explaining concepts like the afterlife or the idea of nothingness is particularly difficult. It’s important not to say things like "They are with God now" or "They went to heaven" because such statements can create confusion in the child’s mind. For example, the child might wonder, "Why did God take them? Can we go too?" Such questions can confuse them further, so they should not be answered in detail.

After the death of a close family member, the child’s relationship with the deceased can trigger questions. When explaining the death of a parent, it is crucial that the child is informed about the passing. If the child did not know beforehand, this information should be conveyed as soon as possible. If the child wants to see the grave, this can help reduce confusion, but this should only be done with children above the age of 4-5. For children younger than this, especially around 3.5 years old, taking them to the grave can be harmful, as it may make them imagine the deceased being buried alive.

Regarding funerals, while it may be beneficial for children to be present, they should not encounter a scene of intense grief. Severe crying or inappropriate scenes could traumatize a young child. If the environment is calm, it may be appropriate for children over the age of 6 to attend the funeral service. It is generally better for the child to be introduced to the process 1-2 days after the death, rather than immediately.

It is important to explain to very young children that death is irreversible and that the person will not return. You do not need to answer questions like "How did they go?" or "Where did they go?" A simple explanation is sufficient for children up to the age of 4-5. Additionally, it is completely acceptable to show emotions such as sadness and crying while explaining death. In fact, allowing the child to witness and experience your grief can be a healthy way to approach the situation.

Furthermore, when it comes to sensitive topics like the mortuary, the body, or the casket, children under the age of 8-9 should not accompany adults in such situations. However, children above 11-12 years of age can handle it without much issue.

This article aims to provide an overview based on age, and it is important to note that some children may be more vulnerable and sensitive than others. For example, a child with anxiety disorder may be more deeply affected by the concept of death than other children their age. However, regardless of the child’s age, it is essential to communicate the news of the death in an appropriate manner. Every child, even if they are only 2 years old, has the right to know about the death of their mother or father. For children with developmental or psychological disorders like ADHD, autism, PTSD, or epilepsy, it may be wise to approach them as if they were 2 years younger than their actual age.

It is important to remember that children’s awareness of such events impacts them far more when they perceive it with their five senses. When conveying this news, we must be sensitive and understand that we are providing information to their minds, and we should not fear doing so.

Take care...